Thank you to all the readers of WV Queer News for voting me with the "Best Leather Column of the Year" and as "Leatherperson of the Year"; I am honored.

The week leading up to a holiday always puts me into the mind of family. My birth family does not keep the religious traditions of Christian holidays, but it has always been a time to feast, enjoy each other’s company, and usually work in a card game or two. It was going to be a smaller gathering of my mother father, my partner and I. My sister and her family had in-laws in town and my brother is sadly estranged. Tribally minded as I am, I would have loved for everyone to be together.

**Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family.  Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.  ~Paul Pearshall

I came to know the importance of family when many moons ago I was a long distance, and totally femme, truck driver. (Believe it or not!) When you only see the people you love only once a month or so, you anticipate the time you have with them and cherish the shared memories of times with them. A great majority of my leather family is separated by time and space, but I think of them daily and I smile always comes to my face.

On the way out to visit my birth family on Easter Sunday, my thoughts turned to my leather family.

CLAW (Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend) is right around the corner and while we are anticipating all the hot leathery goodness of a kinky weekend, the perk we mention first is seeing each other; a reunion of family.

**Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.  ~Jane Howard

Leather families are both formal and informal. There are families like Mama’s Family, and the Leather Bear Tribe, and Mistress Joanne’s Matriarcha Familias Purpureas, (hello family!) which are groups of people "brought in" by approval of a matriarch or patriarch.

Some leather families are smaller households, with members living with each other in a more intimate setting. Many times, those families have are living with some element of D/s (dominance and submission) as a part of their household structure.

Leather back patch clubs also have a strong element of family. If you seek inclusion to the club, you submit an application and if approved become a pledge for the duration of a probationary period until you earn full member status. On very special circumstances, the honor of becoming an honorary member or associate is bestowed; which is an invitation to become family, and an extreme privilege. I have to include another shout-out here to Trident International Columbus Ohio, Steel Valley Leather, and La Garou…hello family!

The men and women connected by joint leather titles are referred to as "sash-husbands" and "sash-wives" and even "sash-spouses" come into the mix. In my tenure as a titleholder I had a few sash-husbands, and always supported them as I could. But in the long run, sometimes the lasting connection is there and some time it isn’t. Out of those four men, only one really felt like a "hubby" and family and from that connection an amazing family grew. Hello family!

The amazing thing is that many times, leather family is a purely organic creation. We usually originally connect at an event or bar night, and when you’re meant to be family you never forget each other. There is an almost instant recognition of a kindred spirit, a friendship is explored, and then that connection becomes somehow "cemented"… and your life is forever changed by this blessing.

**The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.  ~Thomas Jefferson

Varying factors like dominance or submissiveness, elder status, and plain old human nature establish family placement. Dominants, alphas, Daddys, matriarchs, and elders are often the head of the family. Brothers and sisters are gloriously aplenty. And, just as birth families get larger through marriages, leather families can merge though the bond of sash-spouses, partners, etc. I sometimes laughingly call those connections "leather-in-laws" to help people understand the family tree.

**Family quarrels are bitter things.  They don't go by any rules.  They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material.  ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Regretfully, strife can happen in leather families too and I believe when those instances happen it is more destructive than in a birth family. Whereas your birth family is decided for you, we are chosen family. When people become estranged in a leather family, the effects are wide reaching… because all those connected to those people are affected in one way or another. It’s human to feel you have to choose sides, and without all family members working toward a common goal it’s difficult to reconcile. There has been an estrangement in my leather family, and no matter the circumstance it is heavy on my heart at times. In my belief, many things come and go….money, material goods, fleeting pleasures…but family is a treasure which cannot be replaced.

**We cannot destroy kindred:  our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break.  ~Marquise de Sévigné

The family is connected by spirit, like mind and tradition, commitment to each other, and responsibility for each other. My behavior reflects on my family and theirs on me. One way or another, for better or worse, we are all accountable to each other.

In my proud, beautiful tribe of leather folk, no matter near or far, we have a closeness that can’t be denied. Kinship, brotherhood, support, fierce loyalty, and love; we all have independent souls, strengths and talents which enrich the family we’ve created. And even though we might not see or communicate daily, we are very much a crucial part of each other’s lives.

**What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.  ~George Eliot